CarFoxPic

MaxwellPig

So first, I’m sitting there deeply perplexed with the latest “CAR FAX” commercial, trying to figure out why they have a FOX for a mascot wearing a Tshirt that reads CAR “FOX” instead of CAR “FAX”. I mean, does the viewer really need to be reminded with writing on the fox’s tshirt that he’s a F#%KING FOX?…We can see that!

You don’t have to have a PHD in MARKETING, or even be a regular fan of the show MAD MEN to know the viewer needs to be reminded about the NAME OF THE ADVERTISER (CAR FAX) on the Fox’s tshirt… that is IF you are going to have a CAR FAX mascot at all. (Yes, I realize the two words are CLOSE…FOX and FAX, but close is only good in horse shoes and atom bombs right? Maybe the idea was to perplex the viewer and thus cause them to remember from irritation?)

But then the GEICO BEASTIALTY commercial comes on where I SHIT MY PANTIES…I’m not making this up!…You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! Has GEICO lost it? Are there only “Honey Boo Boo relatives” or “DUCK DYNASTY” pig screwing dopers running today’s Ad agency’s? 

GEICO’s current commercial has “Maxwell the Pig” stealing the girlfriend of some guy with a different ‘loser insurance company’, and she’s hanging on to Maxwell the Pig on a jetski, her hands in his lap, as the narrator actually tells the viewer (just in case there was one or two of you out there who didn’t pick up on the sexual connotation) that Maxwell indeed STOLE the loser guy’s girlfriend. And the viewer gets cheated cause you don’t even get to hear Maxwell do his ‘WEEE WEEE all the way to the HAPPY ENDING!’ (I know, I feel bad, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m stooping to their level) 

This is not even the FIRST of such commercials. There is another one with a different very flirtatious girl coming on to Maxwell like a nympho. Geico using beastiality themes? Sex with animals on a major insurance company commercial?? Oh wait, what’s that whining I hear from 20 something redneck dopers: “Shut up Dude, SEX and DRUGS are what America is all about!…FREEDOM!! Who are you to draw BOUNDARIES you FASCIST PIG! At least Maxwell isn’t a FASCIST pig, HA HA HA!”

Ah yes, of course… those of us with ‘community values’ and ‘morals’, WE’RE the problem. Not a major insurance company promoting their product using inferences of human sexuality with a pig. Are we really “America the Beautiful” anymore? Or are we closer to “America the TOILET WATER”? What’s next, the gay GEICO Australian lizard going clubbing with Anderson Cooper? 

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About Connie Bryan

Writer, comedian and musician, currently residing in Sacramento, CA. Former talk radio personality from Central Florida. Currently doing stand-up comedy and producing/hosting a local TV comedy/variety show on Access Sacramento Channel 17. Please see demo material on my website at www.conniebryan.com.

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