doper

I’d like to do an impersonation for you…this is my impersonation of the current “GENERATION TEXT” wannabe comedian (usually twenty-something or under, but often thirty-something as well)…

DUDE, what the HELL?? Like, old people really piss me off ! I went to this “comedy workshop” yesterday and it was SO LAME! The “instructor” was this old dried up bitch, must have been in her 40’s…she wouldn’t stop yapping about something called ‘SETUP, PREMISE, PUNCHLINE’. Who gives a F%#K about that?  What the hell IS that anyway?

Oh that’s what tired old washed up hacks like to call “comedy”…You do a “set up” and “premise” first, to set up the joke, like this:

“The drug culture in America is so bad, it’s destroying a lot of lives… but I feel kind of conflicted about Meth…Methamphetamine…”

Then they would end the joke with this stupid waste of time that they like to call a “PUNCHLINE”, like this:

“I actually feel kinda patriotic about Meth, because it’s the ONLY thing left that Americans STILL PROUDLY MANUFACTURE”

Or here’s another example…

 SETUP:

‘Did you hear the big news? The Justice Department issued a memo this week giving President O’Bama the authority to personally order the assassination of even AMERICAN CITIZENS with a DRONE STRIKE’…

PUNCHLINE:

‘I don’t know if that’s constitutional, but hey, at least now we’re FINALLY gonna get rid of RUSH LIMBAUGH!’

Sh%t man, what’s funny about that?…Like, there was nothing making fun of raping retarded people, or child molestation, sex with your cat, WTF??

Yeah, I know…Who needs any setup?  F#&K punchlines!  I mean Jesus… then what? You’d have to MEMORIZE your material??

Yeah man, F#%K that, I just wanna smoke some dope, get on stage and act like an obscene a#%hole, that’s what get’s laughs!

Yeah Dude, like, I want to have to sit under a plastic tarp like at a Gallagher show, but instead of protecting me from watermelon splatter, the tarp is like a body condom protecting me from getting an open mic transmitted disease from the comic.

Yeah, hey guess what? I heard the Magic and Comedy Club in Hermosa Beach is actually changing their name to “MAGIC and OBSCENITY Club” just to make sure the cool comics know they GET IT now!  Wanna go to their open mic tonight?

F&*K yeah man, I just thought of this killer bit about how fun it must have been to be a Nazi during the Holocaust as long as you didn’t get ‘oven cleaning’ duty. (Lots of self serving laughter)

(Long drag on marijuana joint, followed by more laughing) DUDE, that’s DOPE material! We’re gonna be on Jimmy Kimmel in NO TIME. Should we like, practice our material?

Practice? Now you sound like that old “setup punchline” bitch – all we gotta do is smoke the rest of our weed and figure out how we’re gonna get there to get on the list, cause neither of us has a job, car or gas money.   

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About Connie Bryan

Writer, comedian and musician, currently residing in Sacramento, CA. Former talk radio personality from Central Florida. Currently doing stand-up comedy and producing/hosting a local TV comedy/variety show on Access Sacramento Channel 17. Please see demo material on my website at www.conniebryan.com.

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