Bobby: Mom, isn’t Putin a bad man?

Mom: Donald Trump says no…So no he isn’t Bobby.

Bobby: But just last month you and Daddy were yelling at President Obama on TV, calling him a pu**y because he was not treating Putin like the enemy.

Mom: Bobby, I’ve told you not to question authority figures, like how you upset the priest with your questions about the Bible, and about the sexism toward women by the Catholic Church!

Bobby: You mean like how retarded it is to believe that I’m eating Jesus’ REAL SKIN, and drinking his REAL BLOOD at Eucharist?

Mom: BOBBY!! We don’t use the word ‘retarded’, we say ‘mentally challenged’…Hey wait a second, did I just call myself mentally challenged? (Bobby laughs hysterically)…ANYWAYS, Don’t question the Catholic Church and don’t question our new Republican leader Donald Trump!

Bobby: But that is ‘MENTALLY CHALLENGED’…Because they are BOTH CON ARTISTS Mom!…Why would you follow con artists? They don’t tell the truth, AND TRUMP SAID REALLY BAD THINGS ABOUT WOMEN, and it hurt my teacher’s feelings!!

Mom: Look Bobby, I know you have a crush on your teacher, and you want to stand up for her like a man, but she’s just a dumb liberal…Dumb liberal ‘floozies’ are who Trump was talking about, not classy women like his wife Melania…You need to learn how to be like Trump.

Bobby: Sooooo, you mean I need to have fake hair, lie about my taxes, rip thousands of people off with a fake university under my name, file bankruptcy 6 times, have multiple divorces, grab women by their private parts and marry a Russian mail-order call girl and porn star, young enough to be my daughter like Melania?


Bobby: That reminds me…My teacher just told us today that Trump appointed the CEO of Exxon, who is an oil tycoon, to be SECRETARY OF STATE, and not only that but he is a close friend and business partner with Putin…You and Daddy used to yell at Hillary on the TV during the debates because you said she was CORRUPT for being Secretary of State AND trying to get rich and make business partners from her office.

Mom:(Totally losing her sh#t) SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING LITTLE BLEEDING HEART PUNK!! I CAN’T BELIEVE I GAVE BIRTH TO- (more calmly) Listen Sweetie, Mommy and Daddy have all our retirement money invested in Exxon, Boeing and Halliburton, and don’t forget you get to INHERIT that money when we die.

Bobby: I don’t want your money if that’s how your getting it…Do you know how many hundreds of thousands of innocent people have died in Syria and Alleppo because of Trump’s friend Putin, and his Russian bombing raids?

Mom: Bobby, those people in Syria are MUSLIMS! Like Donald Trump and Mike Pence say, most of them are pretty much all TERRORISTS anyway!

Bobby: You mean like how Trump said most Mexican immigrants are rapists and criminals?…That’s nothing but racism and I don’t believe that, AND I just heard on the news today that Putin and Russia HACKED OUR ELECTION to try to help Donald Trump get elected! We can’t let them get away with that!

Mom: So what, tell somebody who cares?

Bobby: Well you and Daddy cared a month ago when you were both joining all the other Republicans on the news who were calling Obama a coward for not standing up to Russia as the enemy.

Mom: That was before we realized we could make a TON OF MONEY from Trump being helped along by Russia.

Bobby: I MUST BE ADOPTED…Because a bad person like you CAN’T BE MY REAL MOM!

ConnieHdshtSmallFile1Connie Bryan

(Connie Bryan is a writer and comedian in Sacramento, CA…Check out all of her material on her website and blog at )


About Connie Bryan

Writer, comedian and musician, currently residing in Sacramento, CA. Former talk radio personality from Central Florida. Currently doing stand-up comedy and producing/hosting a local TV comedy/variety show on Access Sacramento Channel 17. Please see demo material on my website at

2 responses »

  1. Benjamin Gable says:

    I will point out that nobody has yet to like this little comment of yours. Most will say nothing because those like you have a lot of people in this country afraid to speak their minds. I am not one of those people. You guys are bullies. I have been fighting and defeating bullies my entire life. I am calling you out and calling this little manifesto of yours bullshit. I am commenting because of a recent disrespectful comment you made to a friend of mine. Connie, please tell me you do not believe any of this stuff that you right. It is too stupid to be serious, and it is way too unfunny to be an attempt at humor. I am not sure what I am reading. Was President elect Trump my first pick? The answer is no. However, he is far better than that murdering criminal Hillary would have been or the useless excuse for a president we currently have. I do not understand how any of you and the rest of the liberal whiners can continue to complain about Trump supporters. We did not throw a hissy fit when our candidates lost. I thought liberals were supposed to be open minded. However, all I see from any of you is whining and a failure to debate issues. You go around basically name calling and refusing to listen to anyone else. You simply label people who do not agree with you and refuse any interaction and discourse. I am a retired military veteran. I have an adopted child from a third world nation. I have friends of all nationalities and all ethnicities and sexual orientations. I am respectful to everyone and I am the opposite of everything your very prejudiced diatribe conveyed. However you and your closed minded cronies will never know. You are exactly the same as those you pretend to detest.


    • Connie Bryan says:

      Benjamin,This is Connie Bryan, regarding your comment to my oped…You are talking to a military veteran, and I am calling you full of sh#t Benjamin. Regarding issues? I could talk issues with you till your head would spin, but there really only needed to be ONE issue you heard if you are truly an HONORABLE veteran…You heard FOUR time college deferring, draft dodging Donald Trump say what he did about Senator John McCain, a horribly tortured prisoner of war for over SIX YEARS in Vietnam after being shot down in country, that he’s not a hero because he “got caught, and I like people who didn’t get caught”…There’s no excuse. You heard that and still come election day you decided, “YEAH I’M VOTING FOR THAT GUY”…Benjamin, Two can play the “I’m calling you out” game…I’m calling you out right now as an embarrassment as a veteran for doing so…And not just on that issue, but MANY more where Trump spewed hateful bigotry toward various minority groups, so much so that he got every single white Nationalist organization including David Duke and the Klan to rush to endorse him.
      So YOU BETCHA I seek to shame you and all your angry white hypocritical ‘friends’ like the one you mentioned. Get used to it Benjamin, because for the next long 4 years many honorable Americans are going to keep rubbing your noses in this disgraceful “Trump bowel movement” people like you are responsible for sh#tting on the White House floor.

      Connie Bryan

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